Affirmations Diary 2017, 2022.

 Yesterday I momentary got distracted by a doctor who wanted me to do a keto diet in her experiment that she was conducting out of a credible university.  It would have been virtual.  The reason I decided not to do it is I hate keto diets.  lol I love carbohydrates, especially fresh fruits and whole grains.  That keto diet might have driven me bonkers.   "I can lose weight by moderating what I eat." This year I lost 45 pounds.  Hoping to repeat the process in 2022.   Counting calories and moderating food intake seems so easy compared to keto dieting.  I know keto works well for some people.  Personally I would feel terribly constrained. 

 James Clear says instead of asking what you want to achieve we should ask who we want to become. I have been thinking about that today, and at first I wasn't sure who that person is (the person I want to become).   Clear's question is what people are suggested to think about when it comes to setting daily goals.   Who do I want to become? Every day I have been making my bed, counting 100 breaths, eating a big portion of veggies, and trying to walk a mile each day.   But who does that mean I want to become? I want to become someone with a tidy bed, maybe? With a clear head?  Who is healthy and strong? Those might be possible answers but I don't think that is necessarily the kind of answer Clear is looking for.   I think rather than working back from goals I am supposed to just use my imagination and think of who I want to be. I do want to be healthy and strong and clear headed.  That is true though. This is not my best post ever.  oh well

 My mind has returned to the subject of "vocation" at least for the time being.  I do not work right now, in the conventional way the word work is used.  I do not do labor for money.  I do volunteer and pour lots of my energy into art and writing.  Occasionally vocation comes into my mind and I consider for a while that maybe life would be just as good if I did try again to work in the traditional sense.   My time is very valuable to me, and I am not about to use my time to work most jobs, because I would rather be very poor than have to sacrifice my time from doing what I love.  This year I was employed part time for a while as an aid and I loved doing that, though it had its own challenges, and I was not constantly happy with it, I still was very glad I did it.   Yesterday I applied for a job.  I am not sure what will happen with that.  Will they call me in for an interview and I decide not to go?  Maybe.  This has happened before.  But it is another line of work where I im

 I live in Bristol, TN.  Our city is having a really strange/awful environmental problem.  A scientist was called in, who might be a "bad scientist" who said the gases our landfill are polluting our air and water are noxious but not toxic.  I think I have that right.  She said it is a terrible stink but that the chemical levels are not high enough that our health should be threatened.  People feel they are being gassed to their end.  People report a sickness that develops only when they are in Bristol TN or Bristol VA, our neighboring city with the dump problem.    It has been hard for me to know what to believe, because officials and scientists say it is not harmful, but people are suffering miserably.  For a while I thought it was just a bad stink.  I was aware that mental health effects can seem larger than life, and so I thought it was just a mental health problem.   Now I am thinking there could be some kind of effort to cover up a major chemical spill.  But of course, n

 Today is Mom's 79th birthday.  Mom is my buddy.  She is my closest companion and friend.  I love Mom so much and don't say it enough.  This birthday, I remember how precious life is. "I honor the wabi sabi of existence." Wabi sabi means the beauty of impermanence.  When I think of something I can't imagine life without, I am reassured, when I think of it in terms of wabi sabi.   It can be hard to think of impermanence of imperfection as positive, but beauty is interesting that way because sad things can still hold beauty.   But Mom is alive.  So I don't mean for my thoughts to sound morbid.  Just fleeting.  Recognizing the quality of things that are not forever. My life is not forever. My dog's life is not forever. Nothing anyone loves will be here forever.  I don't think.  At least I can't think of anything that exists forever.  Can you? I made a wonderful cake and posted some youtube videos of the process.  (See "thru Schizoaffective Eyes&q

Major self improvement progress. My post from yesterday has been growing inside of me. I was remembering times in the past when I lashed out at people I thought I had trusted because they said something that hurt me or made me feel belittled. Even a friend just being disappointed in me has been enough for me to lash out. But when I started thinking of my own self sacrifice as necessary, it really helped me figure out how to stop this long lived tendency. “I think I am going to be able to change myself to be more patient with the ones I love.” Yesterday, Mom was talking way too much, and for a moment I almost told her I had better things to do than listen to her talk. But she is turning 79 tomorrow, of all ages, so I thought to myself, my time with Mom is limited and precious, and I listened to everything she had to say. It took great patience, but I pulled on my own inner strengths which are great. Love is a power that if called on can help us do great things.