January 10, 2022

I was looking through some old writing, wondering if some gem remains unpublished, when I came upon this diary of affirmations from 2017. It is an inspiring moment in self development for me to look back at. Lately, I have had a blossoming of accomplishments and good times, but my diary lately has read a little more like a list of happenings and less digging deep in inner workings. There is something useful in this kind of writing, so I am reopening the journal, right now, to try and extend the thought a little for modern times.



“I am stronger than pandemic or personal illness.”



That is a big statement, but I am surviving the pandemic and though I have been struggling with my health a little too much lately, I know that my body is equipped to fight whatever is the actual underlying cause. Though many people have died due to the COVID 19, I have been growing, lost major weight, have done volunteer work for a nonprofit I am proud of these years of social distancing.

I have been suffering both from a series of colds that make me wonder if my immunity is low for some reason, and a women’s health condition that I am scheduled for the future to check it out. The combined issues make me wonder if something serious is wrong with me. So calling upon the strength I know I have in my body seems useful and necessary.



“I am a worthy friend.”



When I am physically sick, it is harder for me emotionally. Lately in the thrust of illness, I have been challenged to think about my relationships. Rereading the entries from 2017 reinstates the fact that I have struggled a lot with other people in my life. I have had a lot of recent growth in this area, but it still is something I carry with me, and it is important for me to recognize my own worth within these checkered relationships. I have done a lot with relationship during the pandemic. Not all of my friendships have been lasting but I think that is a part of life, and so I don’t want to beat myself up for what already has been a loss.



Energy comes and goes, especially for a person with bipolar or schizoafective disorder. Flood and droughts. I can’t judge myself for this fact. I also can’t stand on the bank of a drought wondering where is the flood, or sometimes I catch myself wondering where my flow of writing has gone, but the truth is it always is here. If I am me, I am a writer, and the flow of writing is a possibility around any corner.



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